Cozie Blog

This is a beautiful picture of God’s grace. It is so easy for Christians to forget that we were all DEAD in our sins before Christ redeemed us. So when we see that teen mom, we are disgusted with them. Why do we expect beauty from corpses? Go, spread the gospel! Live the gospel!

When I was 19 I was pregnant for the third time. A miscarriage, a two year old… and pregnant again. I was homeless and living with friends, and despite my ‘Christian’ upbringing I was convinced the only solution was abortion. My boyfriend agreed to take me to the abortion clinic, and on the appointed day, while I was waiting for him to pick me up, I got a call saying he could not take me after all because he had been picked up and formally charged with 2nd degree murder. At the time that sort of ruined my day.
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Then I started jumping through hoops; my insurance wouldn’t pay for an abortion and nobody I knew had the money to loan me. Out of desperation I called a crisis pregnancy center. I told them my situation — that I was homeless, that I had a two year old I could barely take care of, and that I was feeling pretty desperate– but they had a solution. There was a family who had built dorms on their little farm so they could offer a home to girls exactly like me. So I packed up my two-year- old and meager belongings and moved in with them.
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It was there my life truly begin to change. This family had three young children of their own, one of them had Down Syndrome and Leukemia, and yet it didn’t stop them from pouring their lives into a very nasty, uneducated, beastly, selfish, messed up, trashy teenager.
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I was unlovable, and yet they loved me. They led by example and their patience was supernatural.
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After I was there for a little while, the ‘house mom’, Kim, told me the reason why they invested so much money and time to make themselves available for me. When she was my age she had been in the same situation, but no crisis pregnancy center or willing family had come forward to help her. So she had an abortion. This affected her so emotionally and psychologically that she swore she would do everything in her power to help other girls avoid the tragic mistake she had made. “God uses ALL THINGS for good for those who love him” (Romans 8:28)
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And yet I still had the original dilemma of being pregnant and unable to parent a second child. It was then I began looking through scores of ‘portfolios’ of parents who longed for children and yet were unable to get pregnant. As a side note, I thank God for the couples who are unable to have their own biological children. That may sound callous and cold, but I do thank Him for that. How else would these ‘unwanted’ children find homes? “God uses ALL THINGS for good for those who love him” (Romans 8:28). See a pattern here?
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Time moved on slowly, yet quickly. I found out I was having a son. I began to feel him move around and kick. I would lie in bed and have panic attacks thinking how close I came to ending his life. And then the doubts came in. And as he grew, my love for him grew. How could I give this little fellow away? But how could I keep him in the position I was in? I continued interviewing possible parents.
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And then I heard about the Fletchers. They weren’t looking to adopt. They had already adopted a little boy. And I can’t explain why, but I needed to meet them.
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I met Glenda at a park, and I knew as I walked toward her that she was supposed to be my son’s mom. I got to know them better. They loved God and loved each other, and even though I didn’t truly know God at the time, I knew that He was orchestrating this entire event and that I was absolutely doing what was pre-planned by Him.
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When Aaron was born – well, what can I say? The tears are already coming again as I write this. Of course it was excruciating. Is there anything worse than the loss of a child? The nurses at the hospital were so kind. They set me up in a private room after he was born so I could avoid the eyes and cheery conversation of other new moms. At one point a nurse came in to check on me. She said, “I’ll get your son if you want to hold him. He’s still yours until tomorrow”. I shook my head ‘no’ and she seemed a little perplexed. Finally I broke down in sobs and told her that if I were to hold him in my arms I knew I could never let him go.
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I went back home, empty-handed, with the family who had faithfully walked through the last seven months with me. Empty-handed, yet not empty. I had seen a glimpse of God.
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Through this incident I saw the kindness, mercy and provision of Christ. I had an inkling of God’s sovereignty. It wouldn’t be for another year until I would understand obedience and of His Lordship. But God Himself had reached down and pulled me (neck deep) out of the sewage I was stuck in and began fashioning an entirely new person out of me.
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And God is so kind. I wasn’t the one who picked Aaron’s parents. God was. And what a gracious choice He made. They didn’t take their new baby and run for the hills. Over the years they have faithfully sent pictures and updates. And recently they’ve brought Aaron to meet his siblings and also let us come to their own home to share a meal and let us spend time with him. And he is incredible. Indescribably incredible. My youngest son still asks me if we can ‘go get his big brother back so he can live with us’. “No, son, God made Aaron a ‘Fletcher’, but He was kind enough to let me be a part of the process”
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God used an abortion to stir up a family to extend His grace to a broken desperate girl. He really does use all things for good. All things. I thank God for His goodness. I thank Him for Kim, who did not let the mistakes in her life bury her with grief or guilt, but instead she handed that tragedy back to God and let herself be used for His glory.
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In my story, a baby was saved. But it goes deeper than that. Because of the love, grace and witness of others (Kim’s family) that baby’s mom (me) was also saved. And when I was saved, I began to teach my little daughter about God. And after I was married, the five children that followed also learned of God and His amazing Grace. My prayer is their children will hear the same story and glorify their Father in Heaven.
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The 23rd of this month is Sanctity of Life Sunday. I’m thankful that our church, South Creek, recognizes this occasion and I pray that God will raise up others like Kim – and the Fletchers – to not only help save the lives of babies, but also to save the lives of their mothers.
 
Romans 6: 1-2 What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?
 
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Jenefer Igarashi, Jan 17 2011
 
PS Two years to the very day of Aaron’s birth, God gave me my daughter, Ryann. February 26 is a very special day. That was just a very kind thing of God to do.

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